Dear Self,

I'm begging you. The next time you get that wild hair up your ass and decide to wash, wax and clean the interior of your 2 vehicles on the same day, please think again. The pain you are feeling in your neck, your back is not worth it. Oh and don't forget your hands and how you wish you could remove them from your body at this moment.

Thanks,

Me

Dear Neighbors, (to the left, to the left)

First, I would like to thank you for finally taking down your Christmas lights....last week. It was bad enough that you left them up, but did you really have to turn them on night after night?
Second, Christmas ended over a month ago. I would think that when you finally undecked the halls and freed us all from the outdoor, colored light misery that it might have crossed your mind to also rid yourselves of the tree in your living room. Yes. Imagine my surprise when I came home last night and saw right into your living room where not only was the tree still standing in all its glory, but you actually had the lights turned on.

I have now confirmed that no one in this state is normal. I give up.


MysteryGirl

Dear Isaiah,

You are an asshole. Plain and simple. Congrats on your trip to rehab to explore where you went wrong mentally. I hope it all works out for you. Let me just tell you something I don't think anyone has mentioned. If George had referred to you as the N-word that you are, there would have been a public outcry. You would have involved all of your "organizations" as well as Al & Jesse. There probably would have been parades and marches to support you. Streets in LA and DC would be shut down. George would have been fired immediately. No questions axed. His career would have been ruined. He probably would have had to move to Switzerland to avoid a gang style assassination by your thugs. But no. You just check into rehab to get your head examined. As far as I'm concerned, you are a low life. It is unfortunate that you will be continuing your roll on the show. No amount of rehab can fix you. Go to hell.

Mysterygirl

We're Engaged!

Last weekend Husband totally surprised me with an engagement ring inside this tree in Muir Woods in California. We'd gone there last year and I fell in love with the place. It is so peaceful and serene. I loved walking the trails and being amongst the old redwood trees. I was so excited to have the opportunity to go back to that fabulous place on this trip. When he got down on his knee, I burst into tears from the shock. I knew he was waiting for the right time and place to give me a ring. I always thought it would happen in Hawaii or some other exotic place. Never did I suspect it would be in a tree. The ring is beautiful! I can't wait for you guys to see it.
Let's see...we got married, then had the hullabaloo, then got engaged. I'm hoping the honeymoon will happen before our 1st anniversary which is only 4 months away from today!

Lysol, Take Me Away

Tomorrow I will step out of my sterile bubble. The one I've been living in for at least a week since the snow started falling and falling and falling. I will then step into an enclosed steel tube which will transport me and God knows what germs to California. I'm scared. Not of the flight itself, but I'm still hearing news reports of the horrific stomach virus spreading through the country like wildfire. I know several of you have already had it. I don't want to join your club. Since it will still be cold here, I can and will wear gloves at all times. Other than that, I'm not sure what I can do besides disinfect my area on the plane with a Lysol wipe, keep the gloves on and pray.

It Could Happen Tomorrow...Or Not

Yes, I know. You've seen this picture already. It just so happens to go with this story so I'm using it again. In fact I'll probably use it each time I have a story about this which will probably be a lot until I'm able to get the hell out of Dodge.

My cell phone rang yesterday morning. It was way too early for me to get out of bed and run downstairs to get it on a Saturday. As it turns out it was my dad. He did not leave a message. I didn't bother to call him because I figured his cell phone might have called me by accident. No big deal.

Today I found out why he called. Yes he meant to call. I'm very surprised he didn't leave a message but then again with what he wanted to tell me, he might have secretly hoped I was on my way up a mountain to higher ground. He heard there was a big earthquake near Japan. He was calling to tell me to be on the lookout for a tsunami. I can't even see water from my house. I now believe he has seen one too many episodes of the "It Could Happen Tomorrow" series on TWC. If you haven't seen this show, you should check it out once. It will scare the bejesus out of you even if you live no where near the potential disaster zone. I keep telling him not to worry. It isn't good for his health. You'd think that with hurricane season only 5 months away he could start focusing on that instead.

Somebody Stop Me

Next week Husband is going to San Francisco for a work related thing. He'll be there all week. Since San Francisco is my favorite place to visit, I weasled myself a trip there to join him. My first stop will be Los Angeles where I'll be visiting an old friend who is always looking for a reason to go to Sprinkles cupcakes! YES! Don't worry, I will post the latest cupcake pics. Anyway, old friend and I will get in the car the next morning and drive north to San Francisco where we will all spend the weekend! In addition to the cupcakes from Beverly Hills, I'm excited about eating Dim Sum in Chinatown and possibly finding a place that serves Pakistani kabobs in SFO. Oh, and clam chowder in a bread bowl. We've all been there before so there is no pressure to do a lot of sightseeing. We have decided to put Muir Woods on the list. Friend has never been there. In my opinion it is a "must see before you die" type place. If you've never been there, you must go!

Have I Told You Lately?

This place is weird.

I might have mentioned in the past that people here are so warped by the rain that they don't even acknowledge it. It could be pouring and no one carries an umbrella. This includes parents with small children. They just drag the kids through the rain and puddles. I'm not sure why these people want to be soaking wet while walking through stores or getting into their cars for that matter. Just for the record, I'm the dork who proudly carries an umbrella. Up yours.

Another thing. If the sun shines at all, people will wear shorts. Nevermind if it is 33 degrees outside. Shorts. This also extends to children. I can't tell you how many times I've seen improperly dressed children for the conditions outside. Just about everyday. I often wonder what the hell some of the parents are thinking. The kids have to be cold. It seems really wrong to me that you would allow your kids to walk around outdoors in a short sleeve shirt when it is raining and 40 degrees or less. I wish I was a doctor. I would set up my practice right here and make a fortune due to stupidity.

It's A Small World After All

Happy New Year!!

There were 3 examples of the small world or 6 degrees phenomenon that occurred at the Hullabaloo. I've been meaning to post about this for weeks but have had other things going on. Then today I got a phone call about another one and just had to tell the story.

I knew the Hullabaloo would be fun for my guests because everyone knew at least one person who was there. Then there were people that knew each other who never realized they had me in common.

First it happened with my friends Melissa & Bill. I introduced them to my mom's friend Susan. Susan works for an international adoption agency specializing in Chinese babies. Melissa & Bill were considering adoption from China 2 years ago before they miraculously found out they were pregnant after years of trying. As it turns out, Bill had spoken to Susan on the phone several times 2 years ago about the process of adopting. Now they were finally meeting...by chance.
Next, my friend Tracey came and asked me how did I know Ronny? He's a good friend of my parents' and works at the same place Tracey and her husband used to work years ago.
Then I was talking to Dr. Will and Margie. My mom used to work for Dr. Will. As we were speaking I introduced them to my friend Sherry. As it turned out, Sherry already knew them because she used to groom their dog.
Bizarre!
Today I get a phone call from Ramer over at Justsalt. She wants to know the name of the doctor my mom currently works for, so I tell her. She starts cracking up and saying "I just knew it was her!" I'm a little bit confused. Then she tells me my mom must have dialed a wrong number because there was a message on her voice mail at work for a patient named something Lopez. Ramer recognized the voice somehow. They've only met once, at the hullabaloo. Who can believe that of all the wrong numbers in the world, my mother somehow leaves a message for someone else on Ramer's voice mail and Ramer actually recognizes the voice.
Crazy.